Sarah, 29, told me her story. She met Tom on a dating app. Within a week? Over 200 text messages. Daily. Hourly calls. Flowers delivered to her workplace. After two weeks she wasn't happy. She was exhausted.
This wasn't coincidence. This was love bombing.
What Is Love Bombing, Really?
According to Dr. Alaina Tiani at the Cleveland Clinic, love bombing is "a form of psychological and emotional abuse that involves a person going above and beyond for you in an effort to manipulate you into a relationship with them."
In my experience, that definition nails it. Someone showers you with attention, gifts, compliments, and promises. Sounds amazing, right?
Here's the problem: it's not about you. It's about control.
I didn't get it for the longest time. Thought it was just romance. It wasn't.
The 7 Warning Signs
1. "You're the love of my life" after two dates
Honestly? This one bugs me the most. Real feelings take time to develop. Someone calling you their soulmate after a week doesn't actually know you. They know their idea of you.
2. Constant availability with expectations attached
You're at your friend's birthday party. Your phone: eight messages. "I miss you." "When are you coming back?" "You should leave and come here." That's not love. That's control.
3. Expensive gifts out of nowhere
After three dates, suddenly there's expensive jewelry at your door. Or flowers. Every single day. It sounds sweet. But these gifts aren't gestures of affection. They're tools to create obligation.
4. Rapid future planning
"I can't wait to get a dog together." "We should definitely go to Portugal." Sure, sometimes you daydream together. But complete life planning after two weeks? That's a red flag.
5. Isolation from friends and family
Austrian psychotherapist Dr. Reinhard Pichler emphasizes that healthy relationships respect individual autonomy. If someone gets disappointed because you spend time with friends, that's not a good sign.
6. The pace feels wrong
Maybe you can't quite put your finger on it. Something feels off. Your gut? Listen to it. Relationship coach Eric Hegmann explains: love bombing isn't about building a loving relationship. It's about making you dependent.
7. Guilt trips when you set boundaries
You say no to a spontaneous meetup. The reaction? "You don't love me enough." "After everything I've done for you?" That's manipulation. Period.
Love Bombing vs. Genuine Affection
I know this is tricky. Some people are just enthusiastic. Some fall fast and show it openly. Where's the line?
LifeArchitekture explains the difference: real love develops slowly and respects your boundaries. Love bombing is overwhelming from the start and violates them.
Genuine affection asks: "How are you doing?" Love bombing says: "You need to be here for me now."
Why Does Love Bombing Work?
Short answer: dopamine. The Cleveland Clinic explains the mechanism: you're getting constant validation, your reward system goes into overdrive. Then comes the withdrawal. Sudden criticism. Coldness. You want that high back, and you'll do anything for it.
A study from the University of Arkansas with 484 participants found that love bombing strongly correlates with narcissistic tendencies and insecure attachment styles.
How Do I Protect Myself?
Take your time. Sounds simple, but it's probably the best protection. Real connections need time to grow.
Talk to friends. They often see more clearly what you miss in the fog of falling in love.
Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.
And most importantly: your boundaries aren't negotiable. Anyone who doesn't respect them doesn't deserve your time.
