At a Glance
- Category
- Fetish
- Also Known As
- Feedism, feeding fetish, FA/feeder dynamic
- Intensity Range
-
Fantasy-only to intense physical practice
- Requires
- Trust, clear communication, ongoing consent
- Good For
- Those curious about body appreciation power exchange sensory pleasure
What is Feederism?
Picture this: your partner prepares your favorite meal, feeds you bite by bite while you relax, and the act of eating becomes intensely erotic for both of you. That's feederism at its simplest - a sexual kink where the process of feeding and eating becomes part of intimacy.
The dynamic typically involves two roles: feeders (people aroused by feeding a partner or watching them gain weight) and feedees or gainers (people aroused by being fed, eating, or their own weight gain). However, like most kinks, the reality is far more nuanced than the labels suggest.
Here's what most people get wrong about this kink: they think it's always about extreme obesity. In reality, most practitioners engage through fantasy, roleplay, or temporary belly play without any long-term weight changes. According to research from Dr. Justin Lehmiller, 13-19% of people have fantasized about feeding, though less than 2% report strong, recurring interest.
Feederism differs from fat admiration. Fat admirers (FAs) are simply attracted to larger bodies as they are. In contrast, feederism specifically involves the process of feeding or gaining as part of the sexual experience. Someone can be a fat admirer without any interest in feederism, and feedees can start at any body size.
Why People Enjoy It
Power exchange and intimacy.
When one partner controls what, when, and how much the other eats, it creates a unique form of trust. The feeder provides and decides, while the feedee surrenders and receives. This dynamic overlaps with dominance and submission in BDSM contexts, where the act of feeding becomes an expression of control and care.
Sensory pleasure.
Think about the last time you ate something incredible - the texture, the taste, the satisfaction. Now imagine that combined with sexual arousal, with your partner watching your face as you eat, their hand occasionally brushing your lips as they feed you. Food is already pleasurable. This makes it intoxicating.
Body appreciation.
For many feedees, this kink represents radical body acceptance. In a culture obsessed with thinness, feederism flips the script. Partners actively celebrate and desire larger bodies, creating space for genuine appreciation instead of judgment.
Taboo excitement.
Going against cultural norms creates its own arousal. Additionally, the counter-cultural nature of feederism adds excitement for some practitioners who find liberation in rejecting mainstream beauty standards.
The Intensity Spectrum
This practice can be experienced at different intensity levels.
Many people engage with feederism purely through imagination, stories, or visual content. No physical practice, no health considerations. This is the safest entry point and completely valid on its own. For instance, someone might read feeding stories for years without ever wanting to try it in real life - and that's perfectly legitimate.
Feeding a partner during intimacy without stuffing or weight goals. Think of it as combining food and foreplay. The focus is on connection and sensation, not quantity. Many couples incorporate roleplay scenarios around feeding to enhance the experience.
Eating to fullness in a single session, creating a distended belly that returns to normal afterward. (Yes, like Thanksgiving dinner - except you're both finding it extremely hot.) The temporary nature means no long-term changes, just the sensation and visual in the moment.
Some choose gradual, monitored weight gain within set boundaries. This requires ongoing health awareness, regular check-ins, and clear limits both partners agree on. However, any weight gain plan should involve consultation with healthcare providers.
A small minority pursue significant weight gain - we're talking 50+ pounds intentionally. This isn't judgment; it's reality. The health risks (cardiovascular strain, diabetes, joint damage, mobility issues) are serious and well-documented in medical literature. If you're considering this, you need more than enthusiasm - you need medical monitoring, baseline health metrics, and absolute transparency with healthcare providers.
Getting Started
Talk first, always.
Before any feeding activity, discuss what you're actually interested in. Fantasy only? Sensual meals together? Actual weight goals? Be specific. For example, you might say: "Would you find it hot if I fed you dessert during foreplay?" or "What about cooking a big meal together and seeing how much we can eat?" Vague interest isn't enough foundation.
Start with fantasy.
Share stories, discuss what appeals to each of you, explore through conversation before physical practice. This builds understanding without any risk. Notice which ideas make you both light up, which make you nervous, and which feel like a hard no.
Try a sensual meal.
Feed each other something you both love. Keep it light, focused on connection rather than quantity. Notice what feels good and what doesn't. Does eye contact make it hotter or awkward? Do you prefer using fingers or a fork? There's no right answer - you're gathering data about your specific dynamic.
Establish clear boundaries.
If you move beyond fantasy, agree on specific limits. What's the maximum you want to eat in a session? Are there foods that are off-limits? What signals mean "slow down" or "stop completely"? Write these down if it helps create clarity.
Schedule regular check-ins.
This isn't a one-time conversation. Revisit how you're both feeling every few weeks, especially if you're exploring beyond fantasy. What felt exciting three weeks ago might feel uncomfortable now. Feelings change. Bodies change. Agreements should evolve too.
Safety & Communication
Absolute transparency about food.
The feedee always knows exactly what they're eating. Secret calorie-loading (adding extra calories without telling your partner) is never okay. Ever. For example, imagine discovering your partner had been adding weight gainer powder to your smoothies without telling you - what you thought was consensual play turns out to be manipulation. This kind of deception is a consent violation comparable to removing a condom without permission.
Safewords work here too.
Agree on words that mean "pause" and "stop immediately." When someone's mouth is full, have a non-verbal signal too. Respect these instantly, without guilt-tripping.
Physical warning signs matter.
Severe stomach pain, difficulty breathing, or extreme discomfort aren't things to push through. These are signals to stop immediately. Furthermore, if you experience persistent symptoms, seek medical attention.
Watch for coercive patterns.
Healthy feederism involves ongoing enthusiasm from both partners. Red flags include: pressure to continue when someone wants to stop, isolation from friends or family, dismissing medical concerns, or making someone financially dependent through food. For those considering actual weight gain: consult a doctor before starting, get baseline health metrics, and set clear thresholds where you'd pause. Your health always matters more than any fantasy. Learn more about safe exploration practices for all kinks.
Frequently Asked Questions
That's like asking "Is rock climbing dangerous?" The answer depends on what you mean. Fantasy and sensual feeding carry no physical risks. Temporary stuffing has minimal risk if you listen to your body. However, actual weight gain does carry health risks including cardiovascular strain, diabetes, and joint problems. These risks increase with the amount and speed of weight gain.
More common than you'd think - and less common than some communities make it seem. Dr. Justin Lehmiller's research with over 4,000 Americans found that 13-19% have fantasized about feeding someone. That's roughly one in six people. However, only about 2% report frequent or intense interest. The gap between "that sounds kind of hot" and "I want to actively explore this" is huge. Think of it this way: lots of people have fleeting fantasies about various things, but far fewer actually pursue them.
Yes, when practiced with clear communication, ongoing consent, and attention to boundaries. Many couples incorporate feeding elements into their intimacy without any negative impact. The key factors are honesty, mutual enthusiasm, and respect for each partner's autonomy.
The terms overlap significantly. "Feedee" typically describes someone who enjoys being fed by a partner. "Gainer" often describes someone focused on their own weight gain, which may or may not involve a partner. In gay male communities, "gainer" and "encourager" are more common than "feedee" and "feeder."
Start with curiosity rather than requests. For example, you might say: "I've been reading about different kinks and came across feederism. Have you ever heard of it?" Then gauge their reaction before suggesting anything specific. If they're interested, explore gradually. If they're not, respect that boundary. Remember, you can always find partners who share your interests in communities designed for kink exploration.
