Lisa created a Feeld profile two years ago with her partner. Both were optimistic. Three weeks later, Lisa had 47 messages. Her partner had zero. Most wanted to meet only her. Alone. That was the moment they both understood what "unicorn hunting" really means.
The Feeld app has over 2 million active users worldwide. About a third are couples. But there's a world of difference between "creating a profile" and "dating ethically." This guide shows you how to do both.
What Does Ethical Dating as a Couple Actually Mean?
Many couples start with the best intentions. Experiencing new things together, exploring, enriching their relationship. That's the theory. In practice, they often forget the third person isn't a toy but a human being with their own desires, boundaries, and expectations.
A 2025 meta-analysis with over 24,000 participants found no difference in relationship satisfaction between monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. So the model isn't the problem. The execution is. Before you use the Feeld app, you should understand what ethical couple dating actually means.
Ethical dating as a couple means:
Treating third partners as independent people, not as fulfillment of a fantasy
Making agreements together, not dictating them
Being honest from the first message
Giving everyone equal say
The rule is simple: treat the third person not as a means to an end, but as a person with their own goals and desires. Sex educator Rachel Lark puts it exactly this way. Sounds obvious, right? In practice, though, it isn't.
Unicorn Hunting: Why It Gets So Much Criticism
The term sounds harmless. Finding a "unicorn." Something rare, magical. In reality, Wikipedia describes it as a problematic practice: couples (usually heterosexual) searching for a bisexual woman who's available to both simultaneously.
I've talked to several women who've experienced this. The stories are similar. One matches with a woman on a dating app. At the first meeting, a man suddenly shows up. The partner who was never mentioned. Then come the rules. She can only see them together. Must give equal attention to both. The couple keeps veto power over everything.
According to The Swaddle, bisexual women are "used as tools for others' fantasies, rather than as people with whom one wants to build a genuine connection."
The most common problems with unicorn hunting:
- Rules are set beforehand without including the third person
- The couple acts as a unit, 2 against 1
- The third person gets "discarded" when conflicts arise
- Bisexuality gets misunderstood as availability for couples
The concept of "couple privilege" describes this unearned power position. An established couple has social recognition, shared history, established dynamics. The third person stands outside. Always.
The Best Dating Apps for Couples in 2026
Not every app is suited for ethical couple dating. Some make it easier to be transparent. Others tend to encourage problematic dynamics.
Feeld App in Detail
Feeld was built for people who think beyond traditional dating. The app offers over 20 different gender and sexuality options. You can explicitly state what you're looking for. And most importantly, couples can create linked profiles.
What Feeld offers couples:
Linked Profiles: Both partners are visible from the start
Desire Lists: You can clearly communicate what you're looking for
Constellation Feature: Up to five profiles can be linked together
50% of users identify as non-heterosexual
According to user experiences on Feeld, people feel safer in the community because there's less judgment and more openness.
In smaller cities and towns, though, there's a problem. The user base is still thin. The communication quality on Feeld is excellent, but the selection can be limited. Some couples in smaller areas have reported only two or three matches after three months.
Feeld Majestic Membership:
Cost: approximately $15-20 per month
Additional filters and search options
See who has liked you
Tinder Double Date Feature
Tinder introduced the Double Date feature in 2025. Important: this isn't designed for romantic couple searches. While many couples on Tinder search for romantic connections, this feature is exclusively designed for friendship activities. Double dating in the literal sense.
If you're looking for ethical couple dating for relationships or intimacy, Tinder is the wrong choice. The app isn't designed for that, and most users expect traditional dating there.
Other Options
OkCupid: Allows you to specify relationship status and desires in detail. Good for couples looking for individuals or other couples.
3Fun: Specifically for threesomes and group activities. Direct focus, but less oriented toward long-term connections.
SparkChambers: Discover our couple profile feature, built from the ground up for ethical connections and complex relationship structures.
How to Create a Respectful Couple Profile
Your profile is the first impression. It determines what kind of people you attract. And whether the person on the other side feels respected or treated like an object.
What Belongs in Your Profile
Show both partners from the start. No surprises at the first date. If only one person is in the photos, that feels (justifiably) like a trap. Platforms with verified profiles help ensure authenticity.
Describe yourselves as individuals, not as a unit. "We're a happy couple" says nothing. "Anna loves yoga and deep conversations. Max is a tech nerd who's passionate about cooking." Those are people you can get to know.
Signal openness instead of dictating rules. The difference between "Our rules are..." and "We're open to discussing wishes and boundaries together" is huge. The first is a contract. The second is an invitation. When you create profiles on the Feeld app, that's exactly what you should keep in mind.
What Doesn't Belong in Your Profile
"We're looking for a unicorn." Self-explanatory.
"My wife is curious." She has a voice. She should be able to say that herself.
"No drama." People who need to write that probably had a lot of drama themselves. Red flag.
Photos of only one person. The other person isn't a surprise in a Kinder Egg.
Example of a Good Couple Profile
"Anna (32) & Max (35), together for 6 years. We're currently exploring what works for both of us. Anna: introverted, loves deep conversations, into yoga. Max: extroverted, tech nerd, great cook. We're looking for people who are also interested in real connection, not just a quick adventure. You set the pace. Questions welcome."
First Messages: How to Reach Out Respectfully
The first message sets the tone. And yes, you'll have different experiences. The woman in the couple will probably get more messages. The man fewer or none at all. That's the reality on most platforms.
Good openers:
Reference something specific in their profile
A genuine question that shows interest
Clarity about who's writing (both together or one person)
Bad openers:
"Hey, you're hot"
"My girlfriend finds you interesting" (where is she?)
Immediate invitations to meet without prior conversation
Generic messages that could go to anyone
When the first message shows someone actually read my profile, I'm much more open to a conversation. Mass messages are obvious immediately. On platforms like Feeld, personal, thoughtful communication is especially valued because the community prioritizes genuine connections.
Boundaries and Agreements: Together, Not Dictated
The biggest difference between ethical couple dating and unicorn hunting? Who makes the rules. With unicorn hunting, the couple has already decided everything. Take it or leave it. With ethical dating, all three have a say. From the start.
With unicorn hunting: The couple has set all the rules beforehand. The third person must accept them or leave.
With ethical dating: Everyone involved has equal say. Agreements are developed together.
As Polyamory For Us explains: "Every person deserves equal input in shaping the relationship, even if time and commitment remain different."
Questions to ask yourselves beforehand:
What happens if one of us develops feelings and the other doesn't?
How do we handle it if the third person only wants to meet one of us?
Who makes decisions about the future?
How do we communicate problems without presenting as 2-against-1?
Questions to clarify together with the third person:
What do you want from this connection?
What boundaries are non-negotiable for you?
How much communication between meetings is desired?
What does "fair" mean to you in this constellation?
What Do Potential Third Partners Want?
I've talked to people who've tried couple dating. Some had good experiences. Many didn't. The pattern is clear.
What third partners want:
- To know from the start what they're dealing with
- Not to be seen as an "addition" to the relationship
- To be able to build their own connection with both partners
- A say in decisions
- Respectful treatment when things don't work out
Bisexual women report being immediately messaged by couples on dating apps who ignore their boundaries and select them like from a "catalog."
Red flags from a third's perspective:
The couple only communicates as "we"
Rules are presented, not negotiated
One person in the couple is clearly more enthusiastic
No individual meetings possible
Pressure to become intimate quickly
Green flags:
Both partners also write individually
Openness to different constellations
Patience in getting to know each other
Willingness to reflect on their own dynamics
Is Couple Dating Right for You?
Couple dating isn't for everyone. Period. And it's not the only way couples can open their relationship.
Alternatives to couple dating:
Open relationship: Each partner dates independently with full transparency
Dating separately: Each partner has their own dates, their own connections
Swinger events: For sexual experiences without romantic expectations
Polyamory: Multiple independent relationships in parallel
According to 2025 statistics, 10.7% of people have practiced polyamory at least once. 30.84% of dating app users say they're more open to ethical non-monogamy in 2025.
The question isn't "Should we open up?" but "How does opening up fit us?"
Couple dating fits if:
You're both equally interested
You're willing to question your dynamics
You have time and energy for a third person
You can handle uncertainty
Couple dating probably doesn't fit if:
One of you had to be convinced
You're hoping to solve relationship problems with it
You can't imagine giving up control
You just want a quick threesome (try swinger events instead)
Feeld in Your Area: Realistic Expectations
The Feeld app is technically mature. The community is respectful. But in many regions outside major metropolitan areas, there's a problem: user numbers.
Outside of large cities, Feeld still has fewer active users. That means longer wait times, fewer matches, more patience required. This is frustrating, especially when you keep reading how great Feeld is for people in London, New York, or San Francisco. In smaller cities? You need patience. A lot of patience. Or a Plan B.
What this means practically:
In major cities: Realistic chances for good matches
In smaller cities: Supplementary strategies needed
Generally: Quality over quantity
Supplementary strategies:
- Community events in your region (meetups, munches)
- Use multiple platforms simultaneously
- Have patience and prioritize quality
- Explore SparkChambers as an alternative
Also, inform yourself about safe dating practices before meeting new people.
The Bottom Line
Ethical couple dating is possible. It requires self-reflection, communication, and the willingness to share power. Those who can do this find people on platforms like Feeld who think similarly. The Feeld app and platforms like SparkChambers provide the technical foundation. You have to bring the rest yourselves.
Those just looking for a quick adventure or wanting to dump their relationship problems on a third person will probably make everyone involved unhappy. Including themselves.
The question isn't "How do we find a unicorn?" but "Are we willing to share power? Can we handle uncertainty? Are we open to the third person also influencing our dynamic?"
If the answers are "No," that's completely okay. Then couple dating might not be your path. There are other ways to open a relationship. If the answers are "Yes," then you have the foundation for something real.
The answer starts with honesty. In your profile, in the first message, and most importantly with yourselves.
