At a Glance
- Category
- BDSM
- Also Known As
- Brat/Brat Tamer Dynamic, Görenbändiger (German)
- Intensity Range
-
Light to Intense
- Requires
- Communication skills, patience, creativity
- Good For
- Couples seeking playful power exchange those who enjoy the chase
What is Brat Taming?
Here's the thing about brat tamers: They don't just tolerate a submissive who talks back. They genuinely look forward to it.
While traditional dominance relies on ready obedience, brat taming flips the script. The submissive (the "brat") knows exactly which rules they're breaking. They do it anyway, often with a smirk. And the dominant gets to prove, every single time, that they're up for the challenge. Both sides find the whole dance incredibly satisfying.
Think of it like this: The brat pushes. The tamer pushes back harder. The brat eventually yields, but only after making them work for it. It's structured defiance with a guaranteed resolution, and that's precisely the point.
This dynamic requires more from a dominant than simply expecting obedience. Successful brat tamers possess patience, creativity, and the ability to distinguish playful resistance from genuine distress. They embody confident dominance while actively looking forward to playful challenges.
The Intensity Spectrum
This practice can be experienced at different intensity levels.
The brat sticks their tongue out when told to clean up. They mutter "make me" under their breath, just loud enough to be heard. They conveniently "forget" small tasks like putting away toys. The tamer responds with a raised eyebrow, a warning tone, or maybe a few swats that are more playful than punitive. Impact play like spanking serves as a classic funishment for bratty behavior.
Now the brat is actively trying to provoke a response. They'll deliberately break rules just to see what happens, talk back with full sentences, or refuse to do something until physically made to comply. Brat tamers at this level deploy more creative and physical funishments, from orgasm denial to restraint and bondage, adding layers of control to the power exchange. Both sides are playing harder.
The brat won't break easily, and the tamer relishes the challenge. A single scene might involve multiple rounds of escalating consequences—spanking that doesn't quite get the apology, restraints that don't quite get submission, until finally something clicks and the brat yields. This level requires serious stamina from both partners and a deep trust that the other won't quit halfway through. Not every scene needs to hit level 10 intensity. (In fact, most shouldn't, unless you both have infinite energy and nowhere to be the next day.) Many couples find their sweet spot somewhere in the middle, adjusting based on whether it's a Tuesday night after work or a lazy Sunday with no plans.
Getting Started
Figure out what bratting actually means for you two.
One person's playful sass is another person's genuine disrespect. Does your brat roll their eyes, talk back, or just conveniently develop selective memory about tasks? Do you (the tamer) find that annoying or entertaining? Have this conversation before someone's feelings get hurt mid-scene.
Build your arsenal ahead of time.
You can't tame a bratty sub without knowing what consequences actually land. Sit down and negotiate: What counts as a funishment (something they secretly enjoy even while protesting)? What's a real punishment (reserved for actual boundary violations, not playful rebellion)? If you mix these up, you'll either bore your brat or genuinely upset them. Neither is the goal.
You need safewords, and they need to work even when you're deep in character.
The traffic light system is foolproof: "Red" means stop right now, "yellow" means slow down or check in, "green" means keep going. A good brat can say "yellow" while still sounding bratty. A good tamer hears it and adjusts without making a big production out of it.
If you're new to this, don't start with an hour-long battle of wills.
Try a single instance of bratting: The brat "forgets" to do one small task. The tamer gives one quick consequence—maybe a few spanks or a teasing reprimand. See how that feels. Did the brat enjoy earning that reaction? Did the tamer have fun correcting them? Build from there.
Both partners need space to discuss what worked and what didn't.
The brat might need reassurance they weren't "too much." The tamer might need acknowledgment for their effort. These conversations strengthen trust and improve future scenes.
Safety & Communication
Aftercare isn't optional, and it goes both ways.
After an intense scene, the brat might spiral: "Did I go too far? Are they actually mad at me?" Meanwhile, the tamer is sitting there emotionally wrung out from an hour of keeping up with someone who fought them every step of the way. You both need recovery time. Physical touch (cuddles, holding hands, whatever works), verbal check-ins ("You were perfect," "That was exactly what I needed"), and space to just exist without the power dynamic for a bit. Skip this step and you'll both feel weird about the whole thing by tomorrow. If either partner has trauma history or attachment-related sensitivities, approach this dynamic with extra care. The intensity of brat taming can trigger unexpected responses. Consider consulting a kink-aware therapist if patterns emerge that concern you.
Frequently Asked Questions
Not in a healthy dynamic. The brat who says "make me" with a grin isn't disrespecting their partner. They're handing over an invitation: Prove you can. That's consensual play, and both sides are in on the game.
If it feels like actual disrespect, though—if there's genuine contempt behind the attitude, or the brat won't stop when asked—that's not bratting. That's a relationship problem wearing a kink label.
Technically yes, but it's frustrating for everyone. A bratty sub needs a partner who actively enjoys the challenge and won't just tolerate the behavior. A dominant who merely tolerates bratting will burn out, and the brat won't get the responses they crave.
While all involve power dynamics, brat taming centers on playful defiance and earned submission. DD/lg involves nurturing and age-related roleplay. Pet play focuses on animal personas. A brat isn't a "little" or a "puppy." They're someone who knows the rules and enjoys breaking them.
Then the tamer needs to step up their game. A good brat will find every loophole. Effective tamers vary their responses, use psychological tactics, and stay unpredictable. If the brat genuinely overpowers the dynamic consistently, you're not in a brat/tamer relationship. You're in a situation where one person is running circles around someone who doesn't actually want to chase them. That's not fun for anyone long-term.