Kink Encyclopedia
An educational, judgement-free guide to intimacy — written for safe, consensual exploration.
Lifestyle
8
Compersion
Compersion—the meaning is simpler than you'd think—is the feeling of joy that comes from seeing your partner happy with someone else. Think of it as the flip side of jealousy. Instead of feeling threatened when your partner connects with another person, you feel genuinely pleased for them. It's the opposite of jealousy in action. The term emerged from the Kerista Commune in San Francisco during the 1970s and 1980s. It filled a gap in the English language, giving people a word for something they'd been experiencing but couldn't quite name. In Buddhist philosophy, a similar concept called "mudita" describes sympathetic joy—being happy about another person's good fortune. Here's the thing, though: this isn't something you either have or don't have. Most people experience it on a spectrum, and it often exists alongside jealousy. You can feel both at the same time, which is completely normal.
DADT (Don't Ask, Don't Tell)
DADT polyamory is a specific approach to ethical non-monogamy where partners agree that one or both can have outside relationships, but choose not to share details about those encounters. The name borrows from the former US military policy, though in this context it describes a relationship agreement rather than enforced silence. Both partners know the arrangement exists. They've consented to it. They simply prefer not to discuss the specifics. Think of it as an open relationship with a built-in privacy clause. One partner might go on a date every Thursday evening. The other knows it's happening. They don't ask who with, where they went, or what they did. This differs from cheating because there's no deception. Both people understand and accept that outside connections occur. They've agreed that knowing less serves their relationship better than knowing more. DADT arrangements exist on a spectrum. Some couples share almost nothing beyond acknowledging that other relationships exist. Others discuss safety-related information like STI testing schedules while keeping emotional and romantic details private. Some establish boundaries about what must be disclosed, such as if feelings become serious, while maintaining privacy about casual encounters. The specific configuration depends entirely on what works for the couple involved.
Ethical Non-Monogamy
Ethical non-monogamy isn't a single relationship style. It's the umbrella term for all relationship forms where multiple romantic or sexual connections exist with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved. The word "ethical" makes all the difference. Cheating isn't ethical non-monogamy. Manipulation isn't either. ENM rests on three pillars: transparency, consent, and respect. Skip even one and the whole thing collapses. Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, relationship anarchy. These are all specific forms under the ethical non-monogamy umbrella. Some people maintain multiple love relationships simultaneously. Others have one primary partnership plus occasional sexual connections outside it. Still others reject relationship hierarchies entirely. All these approaches count as consensual non-monogamy, as long as honesty and consent are present. The question "Which ENM form fits me?" matters more than "Should I try ENM?" Your best friend's swinging arrangement could be a disaster for you. That's the reality of non-monogamous relationships.
Monogamish
Here's the thing: monogamish is what you call it when you're mostly faithful, but you've both agreed the rules don't have to be absolute. Sex columnist Dan Savage coined the term around 2010 to describe his own marriage. His exact words? "Monogamous with a little squish around the edges." And honestly, he nailed it. The key word here is occasional. Monogamish couples don't maintain ongoing outside relationships. They might have a hall pass during business trips, enjoy a threesome together once a year, or have other specific arrangements that work for them. Between those rare exceptions, they function like any other committed couple. This sits between strict monogamy and fully open relationships within the spectrum of ethical non-monogamy. Unlike open relationships, which allow ongoing outside partners, monogamish arrangements maintain clear primary relationship focus with infrequent exceptions. The primary partnership remains the emotional and romantic center. Outside encounters happen rarely and follow pre-negotiated rules. For many couples, it's a release valve that actually strengthens the main relationship by removing the pressure of total exclusivity while keeping the foundation intact.
Open Relationships
An open relationship is when both partners agree that sexual contact outside the relationship is allowed. The difference from cheating? Transparency and consent. Nobody gets deceived. What separates open relationships from polyamory? Simple: open relationships are primarily about sexual freedom, not additional romantic relationships. You love your partner, you're a couple, but you can also sleep with others. The emotional primary relationship stays exclusive. In practice, this looks different for everyone. Some couples have one fling a year during business trips. Others meet regularly with affairs. Still others actively use dating apps and have multiple sexual partners. The only constant: both know about it and have agreed. The term ethical non-monogamy (ENM) is often used as an umbrella. Open relationships fall under it, just like polyamory, swinging, and other forms. "Ethical" here means everyone involved is informed and consents.
Relationship Anarchy
Relationship anarchy challenges how we categorize and prioritize our connections with others. Swedish activist Andie Nordgren coined the term in 2006. It applies anarchist principles (autonomy, anti-hierarchy, self-determination) to all kinds of relationships. Here's what trips most people up: relationship anarchy isn't about having multiple partners. That's polyamory. And it's not about rejecting monogamy specifically. A relationship anarchist can be monogamous, polyamorous, or anything else. The relationship anarchy meaning centers on how you approach connections, not which ones you have. The core idea: romantic or sexual connections don't automatically rank above friendships, family bonds, or chosen family. Each relationship gets defined on its own terms by the people in it. No scripts. No default assumptions. No "this is how relationships are supposed to work."
Swinging
Swinging is a lifestyle where couples consensually engage in sexual experiences with other adults, together. Here's what matters: it's together, out in the open, not secret. Unlike affairs or certain open relationship structures, the partnership remains the foundation while sexual experiences get shared. This differs from a one-time partner swap. Swinging is more than a single activity. It describes an entire culture with its own codes, venues, and established community. People who swing might visit clubs, attend lifestyle parties, or meet other couples privately. There's a specific etiquette, unwritten rules, and yes, quite a lot of small talk over wine before anything happens. The swinger community has existed for decades. From small private gatherings to large clubs in major cities, clubs and events exist for every experience level. That might sound intimidating, but most swingers report the community is surprisingly welcoming and respectful, especially toward newcomers. You'll find the swinging learning curve isn't as steep as you'd think.
Throuple / Triad
A throuple is a romantic three-person relationship involving three people who are all connected to each other. Not a couple with occasional guests, but an actual three-person relationship where all three partners are romantically and often sexually involved with one another. The word combines "three" and "couple." Simple enough. In poly communities, this arrangement is also called a triad. The difference? Mostly vibes. Throuple feels more casual and modern. Triad sounds more intentional and has been around longer in polyamory circles. What separates a throuple from other poly structures is the closed triangle. In some poly arrangements, you might have two separate relationships with different partners who never interact. In a three-person relationship, everyone's dating everyone. A loves B, B loves C, and C loves A. That interconnection creates a unique dynamic.